Deviled Eggs Script

Mewtwo:  last time on total pokemon island,many teenage pokemon arrived at this apparently haunted island for a contest…. there first challenge was,I kid you not,jumping off a cliff against a bunch of armed men on strike. And others had to fight a cow eating demon. At the ceremony,sexist redneck bulbasaur,got voted off. vus,a group of feminists gave me a t-shirt saying “Woman are awesome” even suggesting I should get a sex change. Well,my reputation’s going downhill. Let’s see who will be voted off tonight.
 * Note that this script is outdated, a new version will be edited later.

* Theme song*

*Bobby Darin’s Beyond the sea plays in the backround*

Mewtwo:  Greetings gentlemen,let us start off the challenge.

mewtwo:  hey,absol,wake the fuck up

mewtwo:  I have soda….JAPANESE soda………

*Absol jumps out the window*

Absol:  JAPAN? JAPAN?

Mewtwo:  made you look.

Absol:fuck,now im bleeding,ON NON-JAPANESE SOIL,EWWWWWWW.

Lucario:why the hell did you wake us up at 6:00 am?

Mewtwo:usual waking time. Besides,I wake up at 5:00. Hope you slept well.

Shuppet:I don’t sleep,I just die.

Mewtwo:would you kindly shut up? Anways,your next challenge is….now.

Snorlax:why start it this early in the morning.

Mewtwo:well,there should be.

*cell phone call*

Mewtwo:Hel-o

Greg:uhh,mewtwo,it’s gonna take a bit longer to get the eggs.

Mewtwo:how long?

Greg:bout’ an hour.

Mewtwo:ok,get your fucking breakfeast and free will,you got an’ hour.

Greg:Scratch that. 50 miniutes.

Mewtwo:that gives me time for a mini challenge. Make a river.

Eevee:How?

Mewtwo:here’s your shovels n’ shit.

Dratini:we’re only supposed to make it with SHOVELS?!?!?

Meleotta:she’s right,we cant create it with just fucking shovels

Mewtwo:too bad,I don’t give two fucks. Oh…and it has to be large enough for a small sailboat and go all the way too my hq. they gave me another text btw,you have 30 miniutes.

* static*

dratini:ok,how is mewtwo,expecting us,to build a river,in 30 miniutes,with fucking shovels? This is not minecraft mewtwo,it’s the real fucking world…made up by some 12 year old kid.

Mewtwo:ok gentlemen

(5)

(4)

(3)

(2)

(1)

Mewtwo:LET’S DIG A RIVER!!!!! treeko:YEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWW

Flaafy:fuck,I got sand on my wool.

(3 miniutes later)

Treeko:I was exicited to make a river….than it just got fucking boring.

Charmander:ANTI-PATRIOT DO YOUR AMERICAN JOB!!!!!!!! DON’T LET AN IMMIGRANT LIKE ABSOL TAKE IT!!!!!!!!!

*victini gets spleefed*

Victini:excuse me? EXCUSE ME?

Victini:boy…this dig is complete bullshit.

Snorlax:TAKE THAT,AND THIS,AND THAT. I am ultimate sand killer!!!! (Flaafy throws cigarette in the river)

Flaafy:oh please. Hahaha,fat abomination.

Absol:well why are you not digging,mewtwo could be sending depressed samurai college jumping soldiers season 5 dvds,my favorite season to my favorite animooo. Stop being such a haterr

Mewtwo:Cmon,the river isn’t just gonna build itself.

Meloetta:actually,doesn’t it change over millions of years…what I’m just correcting him.

Mewtwo:If you cause the boat to crash,you are instantly eliminated.

Lucario:well,it’s best we don’t question mewtwo’s questionable logic.

Shuppet:well at least we can give him the finger…if only I had hands.

Snorlax:than how are you moving the shovel?

Shuppet:simple,telekenisis.

(25 miniutes later)

Mewtwo:aww,boats here guys. You can go do your thing,eat shit,go jogging.get drunk.

Absol:DID YOU BRING THE DVDS?!?!?!?! mewtwo:what dvd’s?

Absol:…………..how could this happen to me

Dratini:why did you take so long.

Treeko:I got…really…really…bored…spent some time in the forest…saw strange shit…

Charmander:soooo….did we win the challenge

Mewtwo:ohh….it just began,it aint over until someone gets born.

Snivy:wait,don’t people get born all over the fucking earth…every….fuckin’….day.

Mewtwo:doesn’t matter,that wasn’t the main challenge.

Charmander:wait…what?

Mewtwo:so….while me and my assistant talk for a little bit,go eat…brought some things from my restaurant…even the animatronics.

Catburg:Somewhere….beyond the sea…..

Mewtwo:ok….maybe not the animatronics….they scare the hell out of me.

Mewtwo:anyways,here’s your pizza.

* static*

Charmander:aww….pizza,the dinner of America. Hell yea. All the other inferior dinners can SUCK MY PAINIS!!!! Wait,it’s Italian…no bitch,IT’S ‘MERICAN.

Snorlax:oh my god…who killed the shitty food….i will pay you $400,000 if you did.

Mewtwo:soo…got the eggs.

Greg:yes I did…one pidove egg and one of a minefoo. So why the pizza.

Mewtwo:to give the egg a bit more warmth.

Greg:so basically…we are making the contestants a bit fatter,even the ones that were already fat like absol and snorlax. Alright

(20 miniutes later)

Mewtwo:Alright,time for phase 2.

Snorlax:wait,eating all 3 large ass pizzas was not the second phase?

Charmander:yeh,seriously they are ‘bout as large as the planes on 9/11 when they crashed into the towers.

Shuppet:well,at least I couldn’t eat the pizza.

Catburg:My baby don’t mess around,because she loves this song when she’s on patroooooooooollllllll. UH!

(mewtwo temperoraily shuts down the animatronic)

Mewtwo:apologies. Now,head to the forest,I’ll meet you at “The nest”

Snorlax:wut?

Mewtwo:don’t worry comrade,I made a path for you guys.

Charmander:so...you made us eat the pizza…so we can get fat enough to warm a bunch of eggs?

Mewtwo:yes you patriotic pidgeon.

Treeko:uhhh,mewtwo does realize that charmander’s a lizard right?

Absol:can we bring the animatronics?

Mewtwo:No,NOW GO GO GO!!!!!!!!!

Treeko:so…I suspect this is the nest.

Meloetta:ja,i bet it is.

Flaafy:so I suspect we defend these eggs.

Lucario:Well,we’re probably gonna spend a few days here. Best we get supplies.

(I’ve traveled every road in this here land montage)

Zorua:and we’ve set up the tent.

Snivy:and I caught da fish.

Zorua:say boyo,where be absol? That lass was expected to come back a few miniutes ago.

Snivy:and where’s fatass too?

Treeko:you referin’ to snorlax or absol? There both fat.

Absol:so…I got the flag.

Snorlax:absol,you were not supposed to grab that. You fucking stupid baby.

(Anonymous man hums whilst a dog barks)

Anonymous man:ack,hey you assholes. You made me loose the dogs.

(snorlax pulls the leash with his amazing strength)

Snorlax:I got him.

Anonymous man:thanks,names john,I’ve been working for mewtwo on a part time job. You must be the contestants. Made the nest for you guys. Also,mind if I stay by the nest? I really have no where to go right now.

Snorlax:yes,you can come.

John:thanks. Best we get there quick,the sun is setting…things…strange things happen at sunset?

Absol:Are you a okami?

John:what?

Absol:*sigh* English simpletons,a wolf as you cunts call it.

John:rude,and no I am no wolf.

Stalksman:gnitersetin.

Absol:hey gajins,we are back.

Snorlax:dah and we brought a guy called john.

John:hello. Built the nest for you guys.

Zorua:ok,well john,your welcome to spend some time in our tent.

Shuppet:hell,it’s better than our shit cabin.

Flaafy:heheh. Yes.

John:erm,what tent.

Stalksman:looc.

Treeko:what the hell’s this,AHHHHHHHHHHHHHCK

(Treeko falls out of the tent)

Stalksman:on ho. Ssob tnia annog ekil siht. Nur!!!!!! treeko:why was that thing,trying to steal our tent.

Meloetta:hey…snivy you ok?...ok,Im checking your heart.

Meloetta:I think he’s been knocked out,but by what.

*screeching noises are heard*

Flaafy:oh please,we all know what knocked him out.

Lucario:really,what? Why don’t you answer mrs.jesus’s wife?

Zorua:look,we have a team member down,im going back to the cabin to grab our guns,check if he’s still alive.

Flaafy:well,he’s bleeding,oh please,he is going to die. Aint that right shuppet?...well I never liked her anyways. Only reason I talked to her was the fact she smuggled some cigarettes in.

Plusle:blech,I got vomit on me *cough* have I been smoking flaafy’s cigarretes?

Unknown animal:*animalistic growling* *raaaaaaaaaaaargggggggggg*

Unknown animal 2:blurgh,blaaaaaaaaaaagggggggg.

Snorlax:best we start fire

*campfire starts*

*snivy wakes up*

Snivy:hey hey hey,challenge done we doin’ campfire ceremony? Heh heh.

Meloetta:nein.

Zorua:hey we got the weapons.

Snivy:heh,good. So what’s the challenge. We eaten these eggs for breakfeast or something.

Flaafy:if you dare eat those eggs,I will cut your stomach open.

Snivy:uh-alright.

(small robot point of view)

Absol:so,what are eating tonight?

John:made some bacon. We can eat that.

Everyone but absol and john:YAAAAAAAAAY.

Absol:I hate bacon

(End of robot’s point of view)

Stalksman:heh heh,emit rof na hsumba.

Stalksman 2:sey,ot eht QH.

*generic eating noises*

*blast noise*

Snivy:HOLY SHIT!!!!!!

Meloetta:CHECK ZE EGGS!!!!!!!!!! lucario:good,there fine.

* explosions*

Snivy:bro,has micheal bay bought the island from mewtwo or something.

John:no,beside’s than the sky would turn red.

Treeko:well,the explosions are gone,TIME FOR MORE BACON.

Stalksmen leader:ti tndid krow,kcuf.

Stalksman:leww,ebyam txen emit.

Stalksmen leader:tuhs pu dna dnes erom yps stobs.

Stalksmen:sey retsam.

Mewtwo’s dog:Rarf,Rarf,Rarf

Snakes:SSSSSSSSSSS

John:SNAKES,I’LL GRAB THE NEST,YOU GRAB THE DOG.

Meloetta:because….logic….

(Chase scene)

John:here we are,near the waterfall.

Flaafy:let us hope we don’t see anymore snakes.

* Gunfire*

Stalksman:’stel epoh eht daednu nac llik meht rof hcaers

Flaafy:I think lucario’s been tranquilized

(Lucario Snores)

Zorua:nah,I just think he’s tired. It’s 2 am.

Snivy:Btw,why are we floating?

Ralts:I think it’s because WE ARE ABOUT TO HEAD TOWARDS THE WATERFALL.

(Everyone screams)

Squirtle:well,good thing everyone’s alive.

John:but I don’t think they will find us easily.

Charmander:Well maggots,I’ve guided us to shore.

Zorua:are the guns ok.

(Back above the waterfall)

*Lucario Wakes up*

Lucario:what the hell? Where the blood is everybody?

Unknown Animal:*Cough*

Lucario:Zombie?!?!?! (The zombie put’s it’s tounge around lucario.)

Lucario:think ya could kill me that easily? Well fuck you to

* Gunfire*

Lucario:Shot right in the head. Best keep this as a trophy. Wait everybody must be down the waterfall I presume,best I hike down there.

*Lucario Hikes down*

Lucario:oy,I’m here

John:Lucario,glad your back…I think they are coming

*Animalistic Screaming*

* Running*

Lucario:EVERYBODY GRAB A GUN.

*Snivy Shoots a pouncing zombie in the face*

*Snivy shoots a a pouncing zombie’s claws off*

*Victini saws open a hunter before they get snivy from the behind*

*Snivy Uses vine whip on a zombie*

*Treeko Kicks a zombie in the face*

*Charmander Launches a rocket towards some far  away zombies*

John:Fuck,my tranquializer gun’s out of darts.

Zombie:AUIGSDHUAIDHGUIOASDHGUIAHDSFUIGHAUID

*Charmander saves John*

*Dratini Chops down a tree,crushing a charger*

Charmander:BOMBS AWAY

*Charmander throws a grenade at the zombie horde*

*John throws a wrench to a lone zombie*

*Absol burns a bunch of zombies with a Molotov*

*Absol shoots a car thrown by a zombie*

Absol:fucking german car,why did the zombies throw it,couldn’t they throw a Toyota at us?

*absol cuts off the head of a fat zombie with an axe*

*Absol gets swarmed by a majority of the horde*

*Absol slices zombies in the jaw*

Absol:I AM ABSOL,DESTROY OF NON JAPANESE!!!!!!!!!!!!! * Absol throws a Molotov at zombies*

*absol throws another Molotov at another fat zombie*

Absol:I got more cheeseburger vomit on me

Charmander:me too sista’

Zorua:INCOMIN’!!!!! * zorua blows up a bunch of zombies with his grenade launcher*

Zorua:KABOOM!!!!!!! * zorua drinks mtn dew*

*Zorua kicks zombies in the crotch*

*zorua charges in to the horde with a sword*

*Snorlax Tries to call mewtwo*

Snorlax:mewtwo,it’s us,john told us that the eggs will hatch after this pointless action scene,come rescue us,we are at the waterfall*

*Snorlax Shoots the zombie*

Snorlax:and zombies are here to kill us

Mewtwo:sure,I’ll come over. My boat will let you back in….snorlax?

*snorlax punches a muscular zombie*

Muscular zombie:RAAAAARGGGGHHHHH

Snorlax:ohh this is sad day.

Treeko:hold on there snorlax,I’m comin’ to save ya

*treeko shoots the muscular zombie*

Muscular zombies:raaargh!!!!!!! treeko:aaaaahhhhh….fuck,now I am bleeding out.

John:comin’ to save ya both. Don’t worry.

*treeko is helped up*

Treecko:thanks.

*treeko wacks the muscular zombie with a nightstick,killing it*

*meloetta extracts dna from the zombies*

Meloetta:hmmm,interesting…

*meloetta heals snorlax*

Snorlax:I LOVE THIS POKEMON

*Victini saws open a pregnant-ish zombie*

*squirtle opens up the spine of a a zombie*

Squirtle:WHY DO I HAVE NO GUNS!?!??!

*Dratini drinks mtn dew with zorua*

Minun:RUN AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! * minun and plusle run away*

*Lucario snipes three zombies*

Lucario:THANKS FOR STANDIN’ STILL WANKERS!!!! * Lucario Punches two zombies*

*Lucario cuts open a zombie*

*Lucario skewers a zombie*

Lucario:All your heads are mine!!!! * flaafy shoots zombies*

*Flaafy kicks a zombie before it could bite john*

*flaafy kicks a female zombie with large claws,vus angering it*

*flaafy jumps on a tree dodging the fem-zombie’s attack*

*flaafy smokes a cigarette*

*flaafy pounces on a zombie,likely an infected worker of mewtwo’s,stabbing it as well.*

*john turns on want you gone*

*john stabs an infected medic*

*mewtwo’s dog bites a fat zombie,vus getting targeted by multiple zombies*

*john save’s mewtwo’s dog by burning zombies with a flamethrower*

*mewtwo’s dog bites an infected lawyer*

*john realizes he is out of bullets*

John:shit.

*john splashes blue paint on a priest zombie*

John:all I had.

*mewtwo’s dog eats dog food*

*shuppet stabs a zombie’s heart with a toothpick

*an ak-47 shoots the rest of the horde*

Mewtwo:Campers,Grab the eggs and get the hell on here,Screw the campfire,for surving that,I think I should give everyone immunity

*Everyone rushes to the ship*

Stalksman:retsam,ew evah delaif

Mewtwo:so…the eggs are about to hatch.

Charizard:And They are hatching…

(The eggs hatch)

Pidove:Pidove

Minefoo:Minefoo

(Campfire)

Mewtwo:ya know,even though I am giving you guys immunity. I’m just gonna send one of you off,Eevee,get on the boat

Eevee:fuck you.

Mewtwo:and go home.

Mewtwo:so,they had to fight an army of zombies,dang,if only I was there,anyways,the eggs hatched,now we have new members,who will be voted off next time,what will be on the next episode,find out next time on Total pokemon island

(Cut to mewtwo’s office)

Mewtwo:So. John,built those golems yet?

John:no,not yet,we still gonna let the campers keep the guns afterwords?

Mewtwo:im considering taking it away from them,but I am thinking of some challenges involving guns. So who knows.

Mewtwo:alright,so what caused the zombies?

John:unknown,but they do look similar to the diseased people in victini’s hometown.

Mewtwo:oh right,the Abbeville incident. He was one of the escapists? Good.